It's a fine, fine line between "pregnant" and "not".
And it's a fine fine line between what I wanted and what I got.
Actually, this second fine fine line means I think we may finally be getting what we've been longing for. Take a good long look.
I. Am. Pregnant.
By no means does this mean we are out of the woods. In fact, it feels like we are now in the thick of it. I'm deep in the woods and I'm "excited and scared."
I apologize in advance for all the musical theatre references. But you have to remember that I live in a magical land where if something happens you can't put into words, you sing about it... and thus the story goes on (that one was an obscure reference from... wait for it... Baby! The Musical. Apropos, right?)
At this point, I'm in shock. I mean, for so early, this is a really strong line for me. For a little perspective - at this stage in the game with Lloyd, I was still getting a negative result, and I was pregnant with twins. In fact, I don't think I got a positive home pregnancy test until 13dpo with Lloyd and even then, it was so faint that I had to take a picture and bump up the contrast to be sure it was there.
This is my test from yesterday, 11dpo. No filter. No bump in contrast. Taken in the afternoon. Not with morning pee like instructed. I’m such a rebel, I know. A definite second line!
I'm pregnant. After 7 months of bruising injections, intimate dates with the dildo cam and lots and lots of tears, I am pregnant.
I'm also scared. After three miscarriages, we know as well as anyone that we have a long road ahead. My main hope is that this baby is healthy. Please, please be healthy. I'd also like to know how many babies are in there. One? Two? Let's stop there because stress is bad for the baby(ies).
This is way too soon to announce a pregnancy. However, this journey has always been about honesty and we aren't going to change that now.
So here we go. Next step? My beta (blood test) to confirm the results is on Monday. We watch my HCG levels. My numbers should double every 72 hours. Keep in mind that I'm still taking large injections of progesterone daily, plus estrogen to help the little one(s) stick. We are going to take this pregnancy one day at a time.
This is the beginning of a new chapter. An exciting, terrifying, hopeful chapter. Who knows, this story may even end with a baby. That'd be the miracle of Judaism (Falsettos).