"Mom as old as time
with advanced maternal age
Finally knocked up
Then complications crop up
Just a little clot
but bleeds a whole damn lot
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the blood clot"
Just a little ditty I've been singing. I made myself Beauty in this song, however, after a week of bleeding and bedrest, I'm certainly looking more like the Beast. I can say with 100% certainty that no matter how many dancing plates and charming candlesticks I meet, there is zero chance of me falling in love with this blood clot. It's has kidnapped my uterus and locked my body in the tower of never-ending bedrest. So, congratulations to Belle for embracing Stockholm syndrome and falling in love with her captor, but, I'm not down with that.
Believe it or not, I could take this analogy further, but for your sake, I'll skip ahead to the facts.
After waking up Saturday morning bleeding bright red blood, as my high risk OB predicted I would, I went straight to the hospital as instructed. It was 7:30 am and the front entrance didn't open till 8, so we needed to head in through the ER. My husband and son dropped me off at the ER entrance and went off to find a parking spot. I took a moment to collect myself, walked up to the front counter and began bawling. I think all I got out was "Bleeding. Pregnant. Twins."
A nice nurse got me into a wheelchair and zipped me up to Labor and Delivery. I texted my husband to let him know which room I was in and watched as women walked the halls pushing their clear plastic bassinets with their brand new babies bundled inside. I could hear a newborn crying and did my best not to join in.
I'm a crier. Knock me up with two babies, double the hormones plus all these complications and I become a straight up hot mess. But I thought I was doing really well, considering.
My husband and son rounded the corner. I could see my husband had tears in his eyes. He is NOT a crier. I knew he was worried for me, but tears? After some prying, he told me that a security guard had escorted he and Lloyd up to Labor and Delivery. Not knowing our circumstances, he congratulated Dan on the "new arrival".... twice.
It makes sense if you think about it. Most people come to Labor and Delivery to do just that. Labor and deliver a healthy baby, or babies. Dan didn't correct him, just nodded. He said it was surreal and uncomfortable.
When they arrived at the room, Lloyd noticed that I was hooked up to all kinds of machines, a blood pressure cuff and heart monitor. A woman was there giving me an ultrasound, while another nurse asked more questions that I thought humanly possible and at the end said "Wow, you really do have all the odds stacked against you." She was sweet and together we laughed, and she didn't make me feel bad when I cried. She went over all the risks involved with placenta previa and my other possible complications. Mainly hemorrhaging. She asked if I had a living will and advanced directive. Asked if I would accept blood transfusions and resuscitation.
It's an odd conversation, laying out just how far you want someone to go to save you. When I was pregnant with Lloyd, I had zero concern about my health. True, I had far less complications, but I just wanted him to be safe. Now that Lloyd is here, I can't imagine leaving him. So, yes, save me please.
Lloyd periodically looked up from his Kindle to check in and reassure me. "You okay mommy." "Babies okay mommy?" He would pat my foot and show me love. Which, not surprisingly, made me cry.
After 3 hours, they released me. I've been home, on bedrest, and bleeding ever since. But everyone has been reassuring. My OB tells me, "blood clot", "placental abruption", "hematoma" are all different terminologies for pretty much the same issue. Again, I've promised myself I won't Google it, so I'm taking their word that this is manageable.
I mean, if a girl can be kidnapped and imprisoned by a beast and be wooed by a library of books and a grumpy old clock sidekick, then I can certainly outwit a pesky blood clot and prevail as the true heroine of this story.
On bedrest until who knows when
Ah but then
As my life has been altered once
It can change again
Build higher walls around me
Change every lock and key
Nothing lasts, nothing holds,
All of me
My twins are here, here to stay
With their mommy”
- with gratitude and homage, "Home" from Broadway's Beauty and the Beast.